Too much strange, different feelings I need to kill now!!!!

I was too confused to write yesterday, I´m still but I´ll just try. I had some stress with such an idiot and was very angry too as you may saw this problem must be solved today... But this is not the only thing, I feel too clear at the mom and so I have too much different feelings for tooooo many situations, people and don´t know how to handle this without doing a big mistake. You already can read that I said some things I shouldnt have say to someone but instead of learning from this mistake I directly said the next truth to another one and now I´m totally lost in all this possibilitys and the knowledge about what I should do and what I want to do and this are two absolutely different things. 

I also have my problems to handle the thing with the eating theme and would like to ave some pills against every feeling I just don´t want to feel. Feeling is complicated and makes me act out of control and silly. I hate it. I have to find back into me and stay cool again. No more true words, feelings and all this things I don´t just need cause they are stones in my way, even if I really don´t know where this fucking way leads me to but I used to prefer it without stupid stones.

I often ask myself why people want that much drama if they couldhave it so much more easier now I know they are "normal" if this is normal this world is a ery strange, dark place. As you may see I still can´t write about all I feel and I dont want I mean this is an open blog but Ireally hope today will be a day with feelings I chose again...

Acid in my brain to less acid in my head too much reality I wanna get high I´ll get insane without my feelings to take whenever I want, my control, the way I feel normal in my soul. Strange strange noises on my skin.

Well this is the thing I want 3 different things by 3 different people and 2 of them are totally crazy so I fucking have to find my mind again!!!!

I think I´ll write more later maybe all goes as ihope and I´m "clear" again later and find better words I also guess till than the pics sayenough about my situation....